My back starts aching. I didn’t realize how long I’ve been sitting in my car after work, swiping on Tinder.
Brain fried and disgusted with myself, I delete the app from my phone.
In hindsight, I now know what was happening within me.
When I saw this rise up, I would immediately take a break from dating.
And this feeling was when…
I found myself getting jaded about dating. The dictionary definition of “jaded” is quite illuminating:
fatigued by overwork : exhausted. a jaded horse. 2. : made dull, apathetic, or cynical by experience or by having or seeing too much of something.
Merriam Webster
When modern dating provides seemingly limitless options, the ironic result is analysis paralysis, fatigue, and burnout.
All the relationship advice in the world does not matter if you feel like shit.
This is the “put the oxygen on yourself first” approach to dating: take care of your emotional health first.
Ask yourself: “Am I dating from a place of jadedness?” If the answer is yes, take a break and come back when you feel better.
Dating while jaded risks of attracting people with similar levels of emotional health. Careful who you call in.
Don’t worry, there will still be people to date. (And if you really don’t think so, then you have more of a scarcity mindset problem than you do have a dating problem.)
Signs you’re jaded about dating
To avoid getting jaded in the first place, it helps to know the feeling. Here are some signs:
- Dating starts to feel more like a job and a chore, rather than fun.
- Your attitude feels more negative towards dating, than it is positive or neutral.
- You start developing all-or-nothing beliefs, like “All women are…” or “All men do this…”
- Dating feels like a distraction rather than intentional
- Seeing people feels more like obligation than desire.
- Your dating profile becomes a list of demands and avoidance of red flags rather than a joyful depiction of who you are
Why it’s important to catch yourself doing this? Because we all project our values and this has an impact on other people. Just as in work and life, when I show up full of energy, other people feel that and react to it. When I show up jaded, burnt out and fatigued…people feel that too. And dating is a feelings game.
But what should you do if you find yourself jaded?
Take a break.
Pause your profile. Delete the app. Embrace being single for a while.
I’ve found that just as there are seasons to life, doing 3 months on, 3 months off with online dating felt like a good personal rhythm.
Setting this boundary with myself adds order to chaos, preventing the jadedness that came with continuous dating.
I hope this helps, and I wish that you find your love.
Thanks, Oz. I’m definitely feeling jaded about dating. After reading this article, I realized that I have been feeling this way for over 5 years. Dating is just not fun for me anymore. The last time I went on dates was 2 years ago, and I was always feeling anxiety and nervousness during the talking phase with the girls I dated. Every time I was planning the date, it felt like a chore and I was just doing it to “try to impress the girl”. I have a twisted belief now that I’m not impressive enough or good enough for girls to like me/stay with me, and that’s on me.
Been taking a break and just working on myself, and doing things I want to do these days, even if that thing is doing nothing. Maybe I’ll come back to dating in the future.