“What did you wish for?”
If I told you it won’t come true!
When making a birthday wish, the custom is to keep it secret.
There’s some research that backs this up:
If you publicize your goals, “The more others admire our goals, the more dopamine rush we get, and the less likely we are to execute the future necessary actions to implement them.”
And yet, I have a different take.
_ _ _
When I first told friends about wanting to find my soulmate, their perspective shifted.
They knew I wanted to find a partner, but didn’t know how big of an intention it was.
They started putting me on blind dates. This is also the power of being specific.
This was amplified even more when I put out my love bounty.
(If you’re curious about this, reply to me).
One outcome of telling my friends this dream absolutely floored me.
A dear friend went to a ceremony as a part of her spiritual training.
One part of the ceremony opened up the space for prayer. Each person goes up at a time, and says aloud what they want the group to pray for.
“Pray for my children to be strong and healthy”
“Pray for my parents.”
Then it was my friend’s turn:
“Pray for Oz that he meets his true love.”
When she told me this, I was so moved. I started tearing up.
Who am I to be prayed for? And for such a thing?
There was something about having my dreams acknowledged in such a way that felt incredibly supportive, and validating. It gave me a sense of feeling less lonely in my quest.
Unlike the research on publicizing goals, why did this make me even more motivated to stay with my vision?
Perhaps it’s because another brain chemical gets activated. Oxytocin is related to kindness, social bonds and trusting other people.
Or…it’s just a distinction between a “goal” and something broader.
Telling someone what you’re going to do is different from sharing your desires
Saying what you’re going to do places the burden of action on you to execute. The expectation is an internal one.
It’s like telling a friend you’re going to apply for a job every week, or that you’re going to lift weights every day.
No one can do that for you.
On the other hand, sharing a dream and desire puts it out in the world. Makes it known. Opens it up to the universe and collective prayer.
Here’s how I visualize this:
- If my desires are unclear, there’s a lot of noise in the image.
- When I make desires clear, the picture is sharp. There’s signal. For my closest friends, when I pray for them I’m pretty certain what it is that most matters to them.
If your friend was praying for you, would they know what you’d want prayed for? Boost the signal.
This is worth revisiting, especially around the New Year. What are your biggest dreams? Do you friends know? Do you know what friends’ biggest dreams?
Now when someone says “I want my wish to come true,” as the reason to keep their desires silent, I say with a twinkle in my eye…
“Wishes come true sooner when you tell someone!”
Is there something I can pray for you on your behalf?
I consider myself “spiritual not religious” so no worries about this being a hidden recruitment message.
Anyway, let me know and I’ll hold that intention for you.