3 Ideas: Sexy Money, “What For” and Car Sets

"Instead of what seems fair, what feels sexy?"

written by oz chen

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Welcome to my weekly newsletter, where I share 3 ideas to help you become wealthier and wiser.

I recently attended Same Same But Different. Much of the insights here came out of the conversations I had with friends at the festival.

Idea 1

My friends (a couple) shared with me a framework that they use when making financial decisions:

“Instead of what seems fair, what feels sexy? What serves the dynamic of our relationship?”

Managing money in relationships can get tricky, as I’ve written in asking dates to split the bill and couples vs singles finances.

The rational move might be to split a bill or Venmo your partner back, but a couple may decide it’s sexier to treat each other out. It’s also okay that a couple decides “what feels masculine” and “what feels feminine” between them, and use that to make money decisions that feel like a sexy – and connective – experience.

This feels good to me instead of striving to be “fair” 100% of the time.

Idea 2

In Letting Go, author David Hawkins teaches people how to let go of negative emotions.

Hawkins asks “what for?” to reveal that behind every thought is a desire for emotional security or fulfillment. Example passage:

“What do I want the Cadillac for?” “Well,” he says, “it is to achieve status, recognition, respect, and solid citizen success status.”

Again: “What do I want status for?” “Respect and approval from others,” he might say, “and to ensure that respect.”

Again: “What do I want respect and approval for?” “To have the feeling of security.”

Again: “What do I want security for?” “To feel happy.”

Let’s say you caught the FIRE bug and want to reach financial independence and retire early. But what if, in the pursuit of FIRE your life becomes miserable?

Asking what for reveals that “every activity or desire will reveal that the basic goal is to achieve a certain feeling.” Doing a root cause analysis via underlying emotions can be helpful in any aspect of life.

I strongly recommend David Hawkins’ book on Letting Go.

Idea 3

Setting up a time to socialize can get hairy with different friend groups and playing calendar Tetris.

After a recent festival experience, I got a new idea for a simple hangout with friends: car sets.

This is just listening to music in the car.

How it started: Festivals are fun but tiring. You’re in a loud, stimulating environment for hours.
My friends and I wanted to rest in a safe, controlled environment.
We went to my car. Why not pose as the DJ and play our own “set” in the car?

So we played music. Before each song we shared why we like the songs and what they mean to us.

It was a wonderfully connective – and simple experience.

This is something I want to take out of the festival. Imagine this invitation:

Hey, I want to do a quick hangout with you that might be unique.
I drive over to you, and we just pick some songs to listen to.
I pick a song, tell you why I like it, and you pick a song, and tell me why you like it.
This should take between 30 minutes to an hour.
Easy, free, effortless, and maybe we both come back with new songs to add to our favorites.

It might be weird, but asking is free.

I’ll pilot this and tell you how it goes. If you’re inspired, please share how your car sets go!

Just for fun

This baby looks like a BOSS hanging from a pull up bar. Discovered via @daquan.

I continue to be surprised by the abilities of babies, including the ability to swim underwater.

liked this article? tell your mom, tell your kids


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